adventures in childcare ADVENTURES IN CHILDCARE adventures in childcare

Going back to go forward

For generations, the elders of a community, wise and adept at communicating important life-lessons, were the ideal teachers for the members of a clan or family. Combining knowledge and first-hand experience with myth and philosophy, they then devised profound ways to impart this invaluable information upon the youth. These methods of instructing and strengthening the minds of young people has worked extremely well. But these invaluable stories, lessons and anecdotes are quickly being lost and distorted amidst the fast-paced, self-important lifestyle that people on every continent now subscribe to.
I am not an elder. I have been actively involved in many children's lives and I am acutely aware of the need to bring new methods of teaching into our children's lives. Our children need to be given a maleable template of how to cultivate a positive relationship with themselves. That template requires the active involvement of inspired and unrelenting parents, foster-parents and grandparents. I am a person with faults and short-comings just like everyone else. I am also an inspired parent who wants to see the children we bring into this world be given the tools to make this world a better place to live for ALL the inhabitants of this jewel we call the Earth.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

PROMISES

One major key to a secure bond with your child is doing what you say. Making a promise to your child doesn't have to involve the words "I promise". Telling Danny that you're going to a movie on Friday means that unless something very important to you, or important to Danny comes up, you WILL be going to that movie.
If you have to change plans then let Danny know ASAP and have a good reason. Apply it in a way that he'll understand. If you forget that you told little Dan about the movie and he's informed around the time you were supposed to be going to see the new Spiderman movie, you've just had strike one.
Or maybe it's strike seventeen. Which is really too bad for Danny. And it makes your relationship tenuous at best. By now he doesn't even get his hopes up too much. And when you do go out with him, he's rowdy and obstinate because he didn't expect to be going anywhere. His emotions are all mixed up and he feels like testing your nerves, since his were stepped on so often.
We take for granted that we get to make the laws. Think about how you would feel if your boundaries were arbitrarily limited. Everything you wanted to do was tempered with the sense that you would get into a lot of trouble if you pushed too far. All this, while you were witnessing "big" people doing whatever they wanted.
Give your children the greatest gift you can offer: Treat them like an intelligent and deserving individual. They are not stupid. They know when they're put in last place. They know when you're lying. They also learn to be a hypocrite from the very ones they look up to. In other words, tell Danny that you'll pick him up at 4pm and then back out one too many times and he'll make you pay for it. When you do finally get some Danny-time, he'll ask for a treat at every store you pass because he senses your guilt.
He will probably also misbehave more intensely because he's finally getting some attention and he does not want to lose it. He's lost his sense of importance too many times already. Why not whip the towel at the very individual who's thrown in the towel on him? All I'm saying is - ALWAYS try to keep your promises!

1 comment:

Captain Catherine Morris said...

Excellent and wise counsel, Trev! I didn't know you had a blog! Guess it's a good thing I'm on Facebook now, I'm getting caught up with what's going on with everybody on the internet.

Love you and Happy Birthday Taryn!